Have you ever had somebody listen to you with their full attention, compassionately and objectively, with the purpose of understanding you and supporting you in reaching your potential? For most of us, this is a luxury and very rare.
Our loved ones frequently have their own agendas for us. They give us well-intended, but biased advice. Our friends have busy lives and don’t always have the time to give us their undivided attention. In addition, we are often worried about how we might make others feel or how they might feel about us, so we refrain from really opening up to them.
Ideally, a psychologist is a professional who can be open-minded and non-judgmental and who is not deeply involved in your life outside of your therapy sessions. You shouldn’t have to worry that what you share might hurt their feelings or burden them, or whether they will like “the real you” or not. You should not have to worry whether your disclosures to your psychologist will directly threaten your job or your relationships. If your psychologist cannot be objective with you for some reason, they should refer you to someone who can be.
Counseling is confidential (except in some very specific circumstances that you should be informed about before you begin), so you don’t have to worry about other people finding out your innermost thoughts and feelings. Your psychologist’s sole purpose is to listen to you and understand your point of view so that he or she can help you with your concerns.
Psychotherapy is not necessarily for everyone, but when it is effective, it may help clients:
- make needed changes
- find hope
- increase self-awareness
- develop new perspectives
- identify strengths and resources
- feel empowered
- feel less alone
- develop insight
- adopt a more positive outlook
- foster acceptance
- explore options
- adjust to situations
- learn new skills
- create and work toward goals
- increase motivation
- challenge fears
Psychotherapy cannot:
- Make you change or do anything you don’t really want to do
- Change or “fix” other people in your life
- Give you the answers
- Make decisions for you or tell you definitively what to do
- Cure you or “fix you”
- Take the place of your personal responsibility
Psychotherapy Has Risks
Not everybody benefits from psychotherapy and there are potential risks to making changes. Sometimes psychotherapy leads to changes that your significant others, co-workers, or employers don’t appreciate or accept. This can change important relationships and roles. In addition, it can be painful at first to talk about the things that are troubling you. Your distress may actually increase during the early stages of counseling.
Honesty Is the Best Policy
Your psychologist knows only as much as you tell them, so its important to be honest. Despite our extensive training in human behavior, we cannot read minds.
You wouldn’t go to the doctor with chest pain and tell them your thumb hurts, right? This would result in a faulty diagnosis, the wrong treatment, and consequently, no improvement or even deterioration.
It is important to be honest with your psychologist, even about things you may feel ashamed of. Opening up about sensitive subjects with a compassionate and empathetic psychologist often decreases the sense of shame and takes some of the power out of the issues that are plaguing you.
Change Takes Work
In general, psychotherapy helps people understand and relate better with themselves, so the more energy you put into your therapy experience, the more you are likely to get out of it. When your physician gives you a prescription or instructions for getting better, you have to follow their advice in order to experience any improvement. It is the same for psychotherapy. Your counselor can help you generate options, but it is ultimately up to you to follow through with them outside of therapy.
You Hold the Keys
Your psychologist can only help you with the change process and cannot make other people in your life change. Some people come to counseling because other people in their lives are causing problems for them. Your psychologist can help you cope with the situation, but they don’t have the power to change people, especially when the people who are contributing to your distress are not involved in your therapy.
It’s All in the Relationship
In order for therapy to have the best chance of being successful, you should feel comfortable with your therapist. Psychologists understand that we are not going to be a match for everyone, so we are not offended when a client doesn’t click with us. If you’re concerned about your relationship with your therapist, you should try to address this with them so changes can be made. Your psychologist should be able to provide you with some referral options if needed.
You can find mental health professionals in your area through online therapist locators such as those hosted by the American Psychological Association, Psychology Today, Network Therapy and GoodTherapy. If you want to use your health insurance, you call the behavioral health number on the back of your insurance card or visit your insurance company website to get some referral options.
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